


Smipp

by jademark



Series: Given Prompts [6]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Candy Canes, Crack, Salarians, Sugar High - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21968242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jademark/pseuds/jademark
Summary: "Mordin discovers candy canes on the planet Smipp, but is faced with a salarian version of Shepard who refuses to let him try one."
Series: Given Prompts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599073
Kudos: 3





	Smipp

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a series of ficlets inspired by strange prompts from my sister.

Shepard checked her private terminal and found a new message from Miranda: 

“I hope this message finds you well, Shepard. It is Cerberus protocol to spend some time with humans outside the Normandy every few missions or so. Consider it a way to rest and refresh our minds while reminding ourselves of the core values of our organization. The Citadel counts as a human meeting point, but I have also noticed that the planet Smipp nearby has a mercantile human colony on it. This could be a good way to fulfill our requirements while not steering too far from our current trajectory."

Shepard checked Smipp on the galaxy map. It was a small, rocky planet scattered with small human colonies.

"Smipp, huh? Okay, Joker, take us to the largest human colony on Smipp," Shepard spoke into her omnitool.

"Roger that," Joker said.

"Oh, I think you're going to love Smipp! I've never been, but I've heard great things about it," Kelly said. "I’ve always wanted to see what the hype was about.” 

"Well, you're in luck," Shepard said.

The Normandy landed on a docking bay at Smipp and all of its inhabitants filed out. The surface of Smipp was mountainous and rocky, covered with tents and temporary structures. The vast majority of habitants appeared to be humans with occasional salarian and volus merchants.

"Oh my God, you have candy canes?" Kelly browsed a salarian merchant's stock. "I almost forgot these existed. I'm going to get enough for the whole crew to try. Do you have dextro versions of these, too?"

As members of the crew browsed the nearby shops and conversed with people nearby, Kelly laid out all the candy canes onto a stray, unused table. "Feel free to try these. They're peppermint-flavored."

"Blood sugar running low. Couldn't hurt," Mordin curiously picked one up. He began to unwrap it and someone smacked it out of his hand.

"Don't touch that," a salarian wearing N7 armor said. 

Mordin glanced at her. "Sorry. Have we met?"

"I know we're prone to hyper behavior as it is. The last thing salarian needs to do is consume any sugar. It would affect the mission."

"Common misconception among salarians, actually. While sucrose affects some slightly more than others, studies show that it produces no significant difference in behavior."

"Even so, as your commander I request that you avoid sugar or any kinds of stimulants for that matter. It's too risky."

"Um, I'm afraid you are not my commander. My commander is Commander Shepard."

"I am Commander Shepard also."

"But you are not my commander."

"I am the salarian equivalent of her. As long as you are on Smipp, you will report to me."

"That does not make sense," Mordin said.

"Things are not always guaranteed to make sense to you. You must obey orders regardless," Salarian Shepard said.

"Duly noted," Mordin said, politely nodding and then turning around. What other weird rules were enforced on this planet, exactly? This visit wasn't so enjoyable anymore. He quickly looked around, and once he determined he was in the clear, he pocketed a candy cane for later, and a salarian hand smacked it out of his grasp again. "What did I just tell you?" 

Garrus and Jacob, observing this interaction from afar, approached Salarian Shepard and began asking her questions, allowing Mordin to successfully obtain his candy cane and leave the scene.

"So apparently there's a salarian version of... me? In this colony?" Shepard asked Miranda.

"Oh, yeah, that happens to every commander when they visit."

"Why do you keep me in the dark about everything, Miranda?"

  
  
  



End file.
